Letter to Teachers, Page 2

RAD kids will climb into your lap and pretend to be affection starved. RAD kids often talk out loud in class rooms, do not contribute fairly to group work or conversely argue to dominate and control the group. Organizational abilities are limited and monitoring is resented. There may be a sense of hypervigilance about them that you initially perceive as no sense of personal space and general "nosiness". They seem to want to know everyone else's business but never tell you anything about their own. There is no sense of conscience for their actions, even if someone else is hurt. They may express an offhand or even seemingly sincere "sorry", but will likely do the same thing again tomorrow. These kids thrive on having made you lose it. They are not motivated by self or parental pride, normal reward and punishment systems simply do not work; kindness, sympathy or concern only exacerbate their poor behaviors – you are simply a sucker to be exploited.

They will deliberately omit parts of assignments even when writing their names just so that they are in control of the assignment, not you. When assigned a seat they will choose an indirect, self- selected path to reach the seat. When given a certain number of things to repeat or do, they often do more, or less than directed. They destroy toys, clothing, bedding, pillows, and family memorabilia then feign complete innocence even when the shredded materials are lying at their feet. They will blame parents or siblings or others for missing or incomplete homework, missing items of clothing, lost lunch bags, etc. RAD kids sometimes feign fear of parents when in a public place simply for the reactions it elicits from other adults. They are masters at triangulating parents and teachers with any number of half or completely false stories. They destroy school bags, lose supplies, steal food, sneak sweets, break zippers on coats, tear clothing, and eat so as to disgust those around them (open mouth chewing, food smeared over face).

They often inflict self injuries, pick at scabs until they bleed, seek attention for non-existent/miniscule injuries, yet will seek to avoid adults when they have real injuries or genuine pain. RAD kids will have multiple falls and accidents and frequently complain about what other children have done to them ("he started it!", "Suzi kicked me first"). RAD kids can walk around in significant physical pain from real injuries and will minimize the injury until it is detected, at which point they may be able to exploit the delay occasioned by their own failure to complain appropriately. They will not wipe a running nose or cover a mouth to sneeze or conversely will overreact or exaggerate a cough or mild illness. They accept no responsibility for their actions and do not have any sense of why everyone can get so aggravated with them. They often have scrapes, bumps, bruises and will claim abuse by an adult in order to obtain attention and seem to be "accident prone".

They are in a constant battle for control of their environment and seek that control however they can, even in totally meaningless situations. If they are in control they feel safe. If they are loved and protected by an adult they are convinced they are going to die because they never learned to trust adults, adult judgment or to develop any of what you know as normal feelings of acceptance, safety and warmth. These children often slur words just to make you ask them to repeat themselves or speak more clearly. Their speech patterns are often unusual and may involve talking out of turn, talking constantly, talking nonsense, humming, singsong, asking unanswerable or obvious questions ("Do I get a drink any time today?"). They have one pace – theirs. No amount of "hurry up everyone is waiting on you" will work – they must be in control and you have just told them they are. Need the child to finish lunch so everyone can go to the playground – he will eat five times slower than usual. Need the child to dress and line up, he will scatter papers, drop clothing, fail to locate gloves, wander around the room – anything to slow the process and control it further. Five minutes later he may be kissing your hand or stroking your cheek for you with absolutely no sense of having caused the mayhem that ensues from his actions.

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