Letter to Teachers, Page 4

YOU ARE NOT THE PRIMARY CAREGIVER for this child. You cannot parent this child. You are his teacher, not his therapist, not his parents. Remind the child that her parents are where she can get hugs, cuddles, food and treats. You will only have responsibility for this child for one school year at the most – understand that this child will consider moving into the next grade as your having abandoned him. The only way to avoid that is to remain in your teacher role and support the process of helping this child learn to be a whole human being as best you can in the time you have. Teachers are left behind each year, its normal. These children need to learn that lesson.

Establish EYE CONTACT with this child, insist upon it as often as the opportunity presents itself. Do not be deceived by the child's focusing on your forehead or chin. RAD kids do not like eye contact and will do just about anything to avoid it unless they are lying or trying to manipulate you, at which point you will be hard put to avoid a staring contest. Be firm, be consistent, be specific.

Try to remember to ACKNOWLEDGE GOOD DECISIONS AND GOOD BEHAVIOR ("I see you made a good choice and finished your homework last night", "I see you decided to sit out the game rather than get into a fight with Sally, that's a good choice".)

CONSEQUENCE POOR DECISIONS AND BAD BEHAVIOR. Poor decisions and choices like incomplete homework, wrong weight jacket for the weather, also need to be acknowledged ("I see you chose to have incomplete work from this activity period. You may finish it at recess while the other children who chose to finish their work go outside and play. Better luck next time.") Nothing mean or angry or spiteful – it's just the facts. Remember they have difficulty with cause and effect thinking and have to be taught consequences. Normal reward systems like treats and stickers simply do not work with these children – you will continue to see Jekyll and Hyde from day-to-day with absolutely no correlation to standard reward systems. Standard behavior modification techniques do not work with this child – she doesn't think the way nurtured children think. Her entire being is centered on being in control so she can be safe. If anyone else is in control she is anxious and certain she is going to die – no kidding, it's that serious.

Consequencing is a good teaching technique for adults involved with RAD kids – there is a consequence associated with each good behavior, each poor behavior – teach them what those consequences are – they will not think of or recognize them without your direction.

BE CONSISTENT, BE SPECIFIC. The RAD child will be "good" for you one or two days or even weeks just to watch your incredulity at his or her misbehavior the next time. No general compliments like "you're a good boy!" or "You know better". Be specific and consistent – confront each misbehavior and support each good behavior with direct language. "You scribbled on the desk – you clean it up", "You hit Timmy, you sit here next to me until I decide you may play again without hitting." "You did well on the playground today, good for you!" "You chose to complete that assignment, that's a good choice!" Be positive when you can.

Credits: Used with permission from the author