One of the most important parts of the healing process if for parents to realize that it is important to take care of themselves and to find the time to relax and realize that many of the feelings you have about your attachment disordered child are normal under the circumstances. You need to acknowledge these feelings, not deny them and keep them buried where they fester and make you lash out at your child and those around you.
You have been under attack in your own home and those attacks are primarily coming from your child as well as others who just don't understand - or want to understand. But, you must remember that a child with severe attachment disorder is a very sick child, not a monster. So learn how to effectively parent your child and learn how to deal with your feelings - by talking to others who live the same life or to a professional therapist who is trained to treat attachment disorder. Often times, your child's attachment therapist can help you work through your issues and feelings about your child. Keeping these feelings inside only makes the situation worse and you cannot effectively parent your child if you are not taking care of yourself.
Here is an article that may help you to understand your situation a bit better.
DEAR RAD MOM,
I am one of many moms nationally who provide support to families with children effected by Attachment Disorder. Our children have much in common; but over the years, I have found that we “moms” do too. This common ground is our “emotions”. Most moms are shocked to learn others feel (or have felt) the same.
In my numerous observations and conversations, I’ve come to realize: Unless a mom can get past these damaging emotions and misconceptions: the child has trouble healing, and other relationships are challenged.
So, from one mom to another, here goes.
SELF-BLAME: Many moms have the misconception that they should be able to solve their child’s problems - super-mom syndrome. The worst of all feelings! We are angels, not gods.
GUILT: On many levels.
ANGER: Or betrayal or feeling frustrated
DESPAIR AND LOSS OF HOPE:
ISOLATED and ALONE
No one understands and we “believe” we can’t get respite from our problem child.
Many moms suffer from Depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and secondary Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
In my own experience, and I know I speak for other moms as well, talking about and dealing with these feelings is helpful and necessary both for you and your family.
Your child’s therapist may be your best resource. Request a separate session, this is not for your child’s ears. I encourage therapists to initiate a session for this purpose.
The Whole Parent, How to Become a Terrific Parent Even if you Didn’t Have One, by Debra Wesselmann. She describes many coping techniques and step by step approaches to dealing with stress. She helps the reader identify parental misperceptions and how to challenge them. In addition, this book deals with managing tough emotions, creating a new wellspring of nurturing experiences for both you and your child, forming healing connections, coping with what seems like too much, strengthening your relationship with your child, parenting the more challenging child, and how to strengthen your attachment with your child at any age, and more.
May God keep you in His special place.
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