The Dynamics of Disruption, Page 2

Since no one today is looking to adopt farm hands, most first-time adoptive families are looking to adopt emotionally healthy children who are capable of forming attachments. Sadly, however, in many cases that is not what they are getting. As just one person in the community of “adoption professionals”, I have been increasingly exposed to the realities of adoption disruption. Disruption, according to Merriam Webster Collegiate Dictionary, is a noun, originating from the verb disrupt, meaning to break apart or rupture, to throw into disorder, to interrupt the normal course or unity of… That definition certainly applies to the devastation experienced by a family who disrupts the placement of a child.

On a personal note, my family attempted to adopt a teenage girl, back in the days before I had even heard about attachment disorder. Due to a lack of community support and services, and a total lack of agency support (both pre- and post-placement) we chose to disrupt the placement prior to finalization. We were already dealing with two other emotionally disturbed children and simply couldn’t take on one more given our lack of knowledge at that time. (I believe we could maintain that placement if it occurred now, nearly 7 years later.) Ultimately, one of our two remaining adoptees became dangerous and abusive and has not lived in our home for several years. Five years later we found ourselves on the other side of the fence when we adopted a three-year-old girl from China who disrupted from her first placement.

Recently, in a period of less than two months, I received calls from three separate families looking to disrupt one or more of their placements. Two of the three families had adopted two children at one time. All three families had children from Eastern Europe-the families with two children each had adopted from Russia, and the single child was from Romania. All five children had been diagnosed with serious attachment problems. One “sibling pair” (neither pair was biologically related) had FAS/FAE diagnoses as well. Two of the moms were dangerously depressed. At least two families were encountering extreme opposition and undermining from their own extended families.

I spent considerable time on the phone with all three families, trying to help them evaluate their options and make decisions they could live with in the future. All three families continued to pursue disruption. One family with two children planned to keep the girl and disrupt the boy. The other family with two children initially planned on disrupting both, but decided to continue trying to parent the girl. It has been my experience that once a family starts talking about disruption, the cards are pretty much on the table. Some studies even list “going public” as an identifiable stage of disruption. Through the wonders of the Internet I assisted all three families in their search for new homes for these kids. As of this writing, I believe two of the three have identified new placements, and the third family has several strong prospects.

I am a member of several adoption specific Internet list serves, and it was by posting information about these disruptions that new families were identified. The posts generated some interesting discussions in addition to prospective new families. One good friend of mine wanted to know why these families came to me instead of seeking assistance from their placing agencies? Another person suggested there were agencies that “specialized” in re-placing disrupted kids, such as Tressler Lutheran Services in Pennsylvania. Someone else said, “There are resources out there. The parents need to use the resources. It may not be easy but a child isn’t a puppy going back to the pound.” Lastly, another person stated families should “hang tough and deal with it, even if it means placing them in a residential facility or in and out of psychiatric hospitals and/or respite care in desperate situations.”

Previous Page Next Page

Credits: Used with permission from:

Nancy Spoolstra, DVM
Attachment Disorder Network
www.radzebra.org