The Dynamics of Disruption, Page 4
For those families who have managed to develop a relationship with their child, and who do want to “hang tough and deal with it”, are there really resources for them as well? Is a round-robin of residential facilities, psych wards and respite care (which is exceedingly difficult to find) really an adequate solution for these children and their families? Through the conversation on the list serve I learned of a program in Georgia called MATCH. Families faced with placing a child in a residential treatment facility (RTC) can apply for the state to pay a portion of the cost, based on the family’s income. The person who posted the information about MATCH said two kids on her caseload last year qualified. One family was indigent, and they paid very little towards the child’s placement. The other family had an income around $60,000, and they were paying $500 per month! Nearly 10% of their gross income! Most families who adopt internationally have pretty decent incomes, and often both parents work. Typically families have mortgages and lifestyles that somewhat match their income. That is not to say adjustments can’t be made, but how many families are in a position to pay $750 or $1000 or more to support a child every month, and not get resentful, angry, bitter, and look for other options? If a child appears to be so badly disturbed that any type of functional future is in question, how motivated can families be to pay month after month for treatment when the outcome is unknown?
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Now before I am accused of being incredibly pessimistic, negative or doom-and-gloom, let me say up front I absolutely believe in giving kids every possible chance! But I don’t think it should be at the total expense of their adoptive families, and all the other healthy kids in those families. The best way to approach this dilemma is to prevent it from ever occurring in the first place. When Barb Holtan wrote her article in 1999, she cited four principles practiced at Tressler for all adoptions. She believes these four principles significantly reduce their risk of disruptions, and her agency has statistics from nearly 30 years of placing kids with special needs to prove it.
Solid, Realistic, Educational pre-adoption Family Preparation (and no, this can’t be achieved in a weekend or a couple of hours) comprised of lots of information, hard questions and a practice of parent SELF-ASSESSMENT as opposed to agency investigation of parents. Meticulous review of background information on the child by the family and the agency worker-asking questions, pointing out red flags.
Supportive and nurturing post-placement services by the agency that did the Home Study.
Ongoing post-finalization services as needed over time over the life of the family. I.e.-the agency responds whenever and for whatever is needed. EVERY child coming from an orphanage is a Special Needs child-whether s/he is one month old or twelve years old. The sooner placing agencies start leveling with interested families about this fact and prepare families for this, the more likely it will be that TLS will experience a decline in the numbers of disruption calls coming our way.
Since ADN is a supportive entity and not involved in placing children directly, I have little experience in assessing families before their adoptions. My workshops often include prospective adoptive parents, but I suspect many of them discount my message, believing their experience will be different. Besides, I am trying to describe life with a zebra, and they are thinking of the sweet little Shetland pony down the street. Studies have shown the likelihood of adoption disruption decreases the closer adoptive parents’ expectations are to the reality of life with their child. I have personally given “both barrels” to a family who was considering adopting an identified child with special needs, only to have them say to me 6 months after placement, “Remind me again who is financially responsible for this child?” Some of my agency friends tell me some parents seeking to adopt prefer the agencies that require very little preparation and very little scrutiny into the parents’ motives for adopting. Some people will refuse to listen and learn and will studiously avoid self-assessment or probing questions. In those situations, I suspect those placements are at greater risk of disrupting.
© Nancy Spoolstra, DVM
Credits: Used with permission from:
Attachment Disorder Network
www.radzebra.org
