The Dynamics of Disruption, Page 6
I would love to see domestic special needs adoptions supported by states willing to share financial responsibility with adoptive parents. More of a shared guardianship than “OK, she’s yours now, have a great life!” I think children originating from the foster care/child welfare system should continue to be partly the state’s responsibility, rather than shifting the entire burden over to parents who played no role in creating the child’s pathology. Some would argue that is what subsidies are for, but there are many, many families who receive little or no money to raise very difficult children. In a perfect world, states would have a provision whereby families facing a disruption could have fairly uncomplicated access to good residential facilities that addressed the child’s issues while maintaining the familial connection. In a significant number of cases, parents are forced to relinquish custody or allow themselves to be charged with abandonment in order to have their child placed in a state residential facility. Of course, this seriously negates any bonds they may have managed to create with their child, plus the facilities often reinforce the concept that the parents “gave up” on the child or “threw him away.” Everybody loses.
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Recent federal legislation that promotes moving kids out of foster care and into permanent homes is a wonderful step towards creating permanency for children. However, it appears to me the placements would have a much better chance of surviving if the necessary pre- and post-adoptive services were readily available. This seems like such an obvious statement. So why is it so difficult to get state placing agencies to understand the dynamics of attachment issues, and the reality of living with these very disturbed kids? Why are so many people so ready to blame the family when they apparently appeared normal enough before the placement? Given the explosion of recent awareness about the effects of traumatic and chaotic early beginnings in childhood and the impact on later life, why do so many social workers, school staff, and mental health personnel refuse to believe it to be true?
As Barb Holtan stated in her article, “As long as there are adoptions, there will be disruptions.” But there has to be some awareness of the reasons these children disrupt, and some effort made to correct the problems. Blaming the parents for not being committed or unwilling to completely alter their lifestyle is totally unfair. We are presently working within a system that was designed to deal with different issues than we are facing now. It is more complicated than it used to be. And unfortunately, society as a whole is moving away from accountability, making life even more difficult for those of us who try and “rewire” a traumatized, non-trusting child. America’s adoptive families need support and understanding, not judgment. They deserve no less.
© Nancy Spoolstra, DVM
Credits: Used with permission from:
Attachment Disorder Network
www.radzebra.org
